Reuters SitRep
A roving update from our correspondent, Reuters
Published: 2024-02-08
Announcer: We begin today's bulletin with a report on international shipping in the Middle East by our correspondent, Reuters.
What's the situation, Reuters?
Reuters: Yemen's Iran-aligned Houthis say they have fired missiles at two more vessels in the Red Sea, causing damage to the ships.
Announcer: Reuters, you've been reporting on this Yemeni force for months now, lets use their name, Anṣār Allāh, shall we? And you seem to be reporting that they have developed speech weapons. Did they fire weapons or damage the ships by saying things?
Reuters: The Houthis have been targeting commercial vessels with drones and missiles in the Red Sea since mid-November, in what they describe as acts of solidarity with Palestinians against Israel in the Gaza war.
A: Perhaps you can't hear us now, Reuters. Haven't they been targeting ships bound for Israeli ports, or owned by Israelis or Israeli proxies in alignment with the Genocide Convention to act positively to prevent genocide?
R: The group's military spokesman said it had fired naval missiles at the Star Nasia and Morning Tide, identifying the Marshall Islands and Barbados-flagged ships, respectively, as American and British.
A: I see, well the US and UK declared war on them recently by bombing the crap out of various places in Yemen. I imagine they're pretty excited about that and have quite appropriately widened their sights.
R: The Greek-owned Star Nasia, managed by Star Bulk Carrier, was damaged by an explosion, a Greek shipping ministry official said, adding that its crew were not injured.
It is unclear whether the explosion was caused by a sea mine or a rocket, the official added.
A: Who owns Star Bulk Carrier? Oh, nevermind. So, the Anṣār Allāh attacks continue to not cause a loss of life, but do make like difficult and expensive for the Genocidal Israelis and their weapons provider, the US, and surveillance provider the UK. Wouldn't you agree, Reuters?
R: In a televised speech, Houthi leader Abdul Malik al-Houthi said the group will "seek to escalate more and more if the barbaric and brutal aggression against Gaza does not stop, along with the siege of the Palestinian people from whom they deny aid and medicine."
A: Well, nice to hear what Anṣār Allāh's leader al-Houthi had to say. Though it is a bit repetitive going on and on again about genocide, Gaza and the Palestinians. Have there been any responses to Abdul's repetition?
R: Diplomatic efforts were "being made to try and find a climb down for the Houthis that would enable [the] situation to improve and to move away from the kinetic aspect" of the Red Sea crisis, US Special Envoy for Yemen Tim Lenderking said on Tuesday.
A: Where did the US dig him up from, Reuters? And what is a "climb down"?
R: Mr Lenderking, in recorded comments to the Middle East Institute, also said "we need to see serious de-escalation in Gaza" and that Secretary of State Antony Blinken was working very hard on that.
A: Any details on what 'hard' means for Blinkenlights, Reuters?
R: The United Kingdom Maritime Trade Operations (UKMTO) agency and British maritime security firm Ambrey said the southbound Greek-owned bulk carrier Star Nasia had been targeted while heading through the Maritime Security Transit Corridor about 53 nautical miles south-west of Aden, en route from the US to India.
A: Aaaah, so the carrier has US goods aboard, does it?
R: Maritime monitoring service TankerTrackers.com said the vessel was carrying US coal to India.
A: Well, perhaps the Russian's could sell the Indians some coal to help them out.
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Any other news? What about Ukraine?
R: The Kremlin said on Wednesday that the goals of what Russia calls its "special military operation" in Ukraine remain unchanged nearly two years after President Vladimir Putin sent tens of thousands of troops to fight there.
A: I see. That's hardly newsworthy, Reuters. Nice to hear that they're sticking with the same name too. Did pesky Peskov have anything to add?
R: Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov said Russia's objectives in Ukraine were still relevant, before describing what they were.
"Demilitarisation, denazification, (and) ensuring the safety of people living in those regions that have already become Russian, protecting them from direct attacks and actually saving their lives," Peskov told reporters on a conference call.
A: I imagine the Ukrainians wont be too happy about being de-militarized, but they did start the 8 year long war against their own citizens. I imagine the EU will be happy about the de-nazification once the war lust subsides.
R: "In addition, in a broader sense, it is to ensure the security of the Russian Federation against the background of attempts to destroy Ukraine's neutral status, suck it into NATO, and further drag NATO's military infrastructure closer to our country's borders," added Peskov.
A: Well, that's very Russian of him, to also include the geopolitical calculus. Nice use of the verb 'drag' there, Reuters, don't you think?
R: Ukraine and the West have repeatedly accused Russia of using what they say are false pretexts to wage an unjustified war of colonial conquest which Kyiv has pledged to resist until the last Russian soldier leaves its territory.
A: Well, that seems a bit rich coming from the US which colonized the whole of north America, with a bit of help from the British. But, I can imagine that the Russian soldiers will be glad to leave what's left of Ukraine when a settlement is reached.
Thanks for the update, Reuters. See you tomorrow!
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Update
If you compare the sources with the dialogue you may identify a constraint. Satire needs to work from a presented reality.
Sources
Yemen's Houthis damage two ships in Red Sea and threaten to 'further escalate', Reuters, ABC News, 2024-02-07
Kremlin says goals of Russia's 'special military operation' in Ukraine remain unchanged, Reuters, Reuters, 2024-02-07
Culture
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